As I reflect on the responses I have been getting, I continued to be amazed and humbled by how many have commended me for being "courageous" enough to address the topic. I have been fond of responding that the line between courage and foolishness is thin -- perhaps its not the place to go for an extended walk!
Be that as it may, I am indeed hopeful that these sermons will not be simply 2 weeks and done, but will spark some discussions and conversations that develop depth and continue well beyond the week of delivery. So to that end, I post this sermon excerpt, followed by two questions for us to consider:
...the church has largely surrendered its ability to speak on the subject of sexuality in a meaningful way in our culture, and even in the lives of many Christians. In our overwhelming silence concerning most matters of sexuality, we have left individuals and young people pretty much on their own in expressing and understanding their sexuality. In our overwhelming negativity and judgmentalism when we do speak about sex, we have rendered the church – and by association, the Christian faith – practically irrelevant in sexual decision making for the majority of people whose feelings and life experiences do not confirm a negative attitude toward sex.So: 1) Do you think that sex/sexuality is indeed everyone's business, or would society and the church be better served by following a policy of "don't ask/don't tell" and/or "to each his/her own"?
But I believe that our faith is relevant to the expression of our sexuality, and that that relevance extends well beyond a laundry list of sexual sins to be avoided. I believe that sex is a precious and beautiful part of our human nature, a gift of God woven into the very fabric of creation. Furthermore, I believe that sex is more than a private matter, and that contrary to much popular rhetoric that would suggest that what we do between the sheets is nobody’s business, sexual expression and ethics is a legitimate community affair – indeed I believe sex is everyone’s business.
And 2) If sex is indeed a legitimate community affair, how does the church claim or reclaim a meaningful role and voice in a context that includes media, science, civil authority, social norms and taboos, etc?
Hi, Chris! I am looking forward to reading both sermon transcripts when I have opportunity ... so I have not yet, but wanted to respond to at least part 2 of your questions above.
ReplyDeleteIt seems as though it is almost a chicken-and-egg debate: How do we reclaim a voice that has long been silenced, or at least subdued, when the previous generation continues to teach the same methods of response to the generations that follow? I think it has to start with the egg. Or, rather, the children. Which means it has to start with the parents. Hmm ... sounds like I'm saying two things at once.
Working in children's ministry as actively as I currently am, I see/hear these kids coming in to our programs, especially the lovely fifth-grade-boy genre, and I quickly become aware that they are not requesting a particular song video because they find it a meaningful expression of God's love, but because somewhere along the line, quite likely at home, they have learned that the two elementary-aged girls hugging and jumping up and down in part of the video is a funny sexual reference.
Meanwhile, I have no desire for *my* first-grade son to pick up on these kinds of things, so instead, at least for us, what seems to be working is open, honest conversation about sexual issues from the get-go. That doesn't mean my children know all there is to know about the birds and the bees. By all means, no. But yesterday, for example, I had a conversation with Darah (almost 3) while she was in the bathtub about her "private areas" and that the only people, besides her, who needed to be touching that area were the doctor or Mommy or Daddy when she was taking a bath. This summer, Isaac (6) had lots of questions about how the baby I was carrying was going to come out - and I answered fairly openly, giving as much detail as I felt were appropriate for a six-year-old boy. Hannah (8) got a bit more detail. I have purchased age-appropriate Christian-based books as a starting-off point, but we discuss it; we don't just leave them on the bookshelf and hope the kids will read and understand.
I think this was something I missed as a child. We had books, which is where I got most of my working knowledge from as an older child/preteen/teenager. But we didn't have conversation. I was not comfortable asking questions. And I wouldn't expect my kids to be comfortable asking questions starting when they are preteens or teenagers either. It has to start earlier, so they are comfortable with the dialog. And hopefully that comfort can be a lifelong thing.
Not all parents/families are equipped/educated on how to have these conversations with their children. I see that as a valuable lesson the church can share, in addition to the life-saving message of God's grace and mercy. So in outreach programs like ours, we have to somehow find a way to reach the family, teach the family, walk alongside the family.
So how to deal with the fifth-grade-boy syndrome? I'm not sure of the answer, especially working with children whose families are not part of the church. But sooner than we realize, those fifth-grade boys will be 50 and will have inspired a whole generation or two or three beneath them.
I think it's largely about adjusting our comfort level.
Chris, I was so excited to see that someone studied sexuality at Bethany. It was a side topic of my research. I think we need a congregational curriculum to talk about our bodies and God's view of their use.
ReplyDeleteI came across Pope John Paul II' Theology of the Body, best explained, I believe, by Christopher West. This theology reclaims sexual intimacy as it was meant to be, a re-creation of the oneness of the Trinity. He explains very well what lust means...which I think takes us quickly to distinguishing God created sexuality and God dishonoring sexuality.
I still believe that until the Brethren understand again the role that sexuality plays in our lives, as given by God, that we are not ready to talk about a lot of other issues.
Marla Bieber Abe
Naomi -- you name a dilemma of trying to teach and influence children whose families are not involved in the church or who have abdicated their role in the education of their children about such issues as sexuality. And with issues like sex where there is such sensistivity involved, institutions have a definite bias toward the "safe" route, often saying little if anything of value, because they don't want to get flack about it.
ReplyDeleteMarla -- welcome to the discussion! I will have to look into Christopher West and the theology of the body.